Some time ago I wrote about Robert Kegan’s stages of adult human development, a concept that I find really helpful when interpreting other people’s behavior. What is more, knowing about Kegan’s stages can be very impactful in helping us to grow as a person. While revisiting the concept this week, I discovered how difficult it is to achieve the last stage on Kegan’s “ladder”.

 

Let’s first start with a brief summary of the five stages, as described on this excellent page:

 

Stage 1 – the Impulsive mind, the stage in which we start out as young children.

 

Stage 2 – the Imperial mind. This is the stage that humans inhabit as adolescents. We are mainly concerned with ourselves. The purpose of our relationships and actions is to satisfy our own needs and interests. The most important motivators are external rewards and punishments. Interestingly, around 6% of people remain in this stage during adulthood. I believe that everyone knows an adult who is “stuck” in this stage.

 

Stage 3 – the Socialized mind. As the name suggests, our values, decisions and actions are primarily influenced by other people (family and friends) and the environment (societal norms, cultural customs, social media). We are very conscious about how others experience us and we mainly look for external validation. 58% of adults are in the socialized stage.

 

Some people can be very happy in this stage. But there are some obvious problems associated with this stage: a competitive mindset, which sets us up for perceived failure and disappointment, and not being focussed on what actually is good for ourselves. With a socialized mindset, we also experience confusion and stress when conflicting messages from our environment arrive and we try to satisfy everyone’s expectation (take for example conflicting messages from our spouse and boss about how we should allocate our time).

 

Another problem with the socialized mindset is that we tend to define ourselves by the results we get. However, it is important to remember that our results are determined by various factors, many of which are out of our control. And defining ourselves by our results completely ignores the fact that we constantly grow and develop, and that failure is the most important prerequisite for success. For instance, a runner with a poor Personal Best time can be a more serious runner than someone who can run much faster. The slower runner may be more dedicated and focussed on improvement. This is difficult to recognize if we only evaluate someone based on his or her performance.

 

Stage 4 — the Self-Authoring mind. In this stage, we follow our own course and do what we feel is best for us. Only 35% of the adult population are at this stage, which sometimes seems like an overestimate to me. I have realized is that I really enjoy the company of self-authorizing people, as the mindset of a person affects the content and character of a conversation. Socialized people tend to talk about their social environment, whereas self-authorizing people often talk about their own opinions, thoughts and goals, which is a lot more meaningful.

 

Stage 5 — The Self-Transforming mind, the highest stage on Kegan’s adult development ladder, which only 1% of the adult population inhabit. While in the self-authoring stage we question the outside world (the social environment), in the self-transforming stage we question ourselves. We are able to adapt to changing circumstances by transforming ourselves.

 

I previously have not reflected much on my ability to be self-transforming. But one example that suggests that I am still a long way from achieving this stage is the transition from in-person to online teaching at the onset of the COVID pandemic. I initially refused to accept that online teaching could work and conducted classes in person as long as possible, even though this constituted significant difficulties for the students and administrative staff. After finally being forced to change my teaching mode, I came to realize that online teaching can be very engaging and fun when making appropriate changes. However, if I had a self-transforming mindset, I would have voluntarily adopted online teaching and viewed the transition as a challenge and an opportunity to learn and innovate.

 

In the self-transforming stage, we can also understand things from many different perspectives. We realize that life and people are complex, and we can hold multiple opinions at once. For instance, if I do not agree with the philosophy and motivation of a colleague, I can consider reasons why the other person thinks differently and still engage in a productive collaboration, even if I don’t share the same values. Sadly, I find doing this rather difficult.

 

The realization that I am a long way from adopting a self-transforming mindset prompted the obvious question:

 

What came to my mind is firstly that I wrongly believe that “I am my values”, when in fact “I am my actions”. Other people do not care whether what I do is based on some personal belief or philosophy. They only see and judge my actions. Hence, it would be wiser to let my actions tell people that I am someone who can adopt and be cooperative and helpful towards others.

 

The other major impediment to be self-transforming is my “be right” mindset. What I mean by that is that I am preoccupied with whether things that people do are right based on my own standards. If I assess that someone’s behavior, attitude or actions are not “right”, I find it very difficult to initiate cooperation and collaboration. This mindset is not helpful, because what matters is not to be right, but to obtain the results we want to achieve.

 

The next question is of course how to overcome these obstacles in my mindset, but I will leave this for another reflection.


20 May 2021
What is ontological learning and coaching and The Four Body Dispositions

One of the greatest insights I obtained from my coaching training was learning about Robert Kegan’s mental lenses of adult human development (as described HERE). According to Kegan, how we view things and make decisions in our lives actually changes during adulthood (or at least CAN change). Adults (from being a teenager to ultimately becoming a senior) can go through four stages.

 

As teenagers, we generally start out with the instrumental lens, where we focus on trying to follow the rules and strive for the rewards associated with this. In this stage, we are following the rules for the sake of the rule, not because we try to fit in or because we see the benefit. For instance, as a child and teenager I just studied, not because everyone did or because I knew it would help me, but because this was my rule. And I got rewarded (with praise) by my parents if I did well, and faced their disapproval and disappointment when I didn’t.

 

Most teenagers, however, do not stay with this lens for too long, and sooner or later adopt the socialized lens. Here, we try to align with social norms and expectations. For instance, as a teenager we often do what everyone else does, what is expected in our peer group. The most extreme example are gangs, where the social pressure is so great that teenagers commit crimes.

 

We can maintain the socialized lens for our whole life or we can move on to a self-authoring lens, where we focus on our own internal values without considering what we are supposed to do. This then can lead on to a self-transforming lens, where we critically assess our own value system and are open to those of others. The self-transforming stage is usually only reached late in people’s lives, if ever.

 

Usually we are not aware of what lens we use to assess the world around us and to make decisions. Even if we are aware, this does not mean that we can just change our lens. Changing mental lenses is a gradual process that depends on exposure to social groups and role models and a lot of reflection.